Most of our emotional stress is created by thinking of the things we don’t have, or wishing that our life, our body, our relationship was different that it actually is.  This sets up inner conflict and a cycle of thoughts that repeat themselves, causing further physical and emotional distress.

Adopting an attitude of gratitude allows us to look at what we have, instead of what we don’t.  This doesn’t mean we have to ignore our feelings and become passive in our life.  It means that we focus our attention firmly on what we are trying to create and move toward what is likely more difficult to achieve. It is easy to indulge our feelings in the moment, yet as a result, we deny ourselves our goals and dreams by doing so.

So as I take myself off to the gym to work out, not really feeling like it, but doing it anyway, I feel grateful to my mother who planted the words in my head, "you never get what you want by sitting around moping.  Just go do something about it."  Not strong on empathy, but strong on empowerment.  If I want a healthy body throughout my life, I will keep going in that difficult direction, with my mother’s words in my head, even when I don’t feel like it.

Share your gratitude attitude with us.  We all need support in maintaining this approach to life.

Anne Dranitsaris

I was reflecting this morning about amount of stress we create when we live trying to be perfect rather than just having experiences that we learn from. We are constantly judging our behaviour and that of others, needing to make someone to blame when something goes wrong; making sure we are protected against the feelings we have when we disappoint, or fail to think of how we might affect others through our actions. I believe that not understanding that we do this is one of the great tragedies of our culture. It leads to constant internal and external unresolved conflict.

While trying to get my stepdaugther to recognize the impact of her behaviour on others, primarily myself and my husband, I realized that my efforts were wasted and it was an act of futility. She had no awareness of how much she was defending herself and attacking me, trying to make me wrong, rather than trying to resolve our conflict. She could not listen to what I was saying, so convinced was she that I was out to get her.

We cannot do anything about the way others interpret our behaviour, as frustrating as this is at times. But we can  always ask ourselves during communication with others, "Am I defending myself or am I actually listening to what they are saying." This keeps us in the moment, reflecting on what is going on instead of reacting to our emotions and what we are telling ourselves is happening.

Trying to be perfect is a defense against a wounded self that is unable to strive and mature. When we live this way, the best we can expect is to survive. Beginning to live, experience and negotiate through life without the need to be right, perfect or doing what one “should” is a worthwhile struggle and one that is guaranteed to reduce stress.

Anne Dranitsaris