Surprising as it may seem, most people can’t distinguish between and emotion, a decision or a judgment.  They are all mental events, but they occur in different areas of the brain. Decisions and judgements are made in the prefrontal cortex of the brain.  Emotions occur in the limbic system.  The truth is that we have very little experience in expression or emotions and so we are left with the expression of value judgements (I feel good, I feel ridiculous). 

People believe the conclusions they draw about situations and place judgements on them constantly. I often say to clients, just because you put "I feel" in front of a statement doesn’t make it a feeling.  A statement such as "I feel like I had to tell them they were wrong" really means "I decided to tell them they were wrong". Or "I feel that they thought I was stupid", really means "I was afraid I appeared to not know what I was talking about".  

I spend a fair amount of time teaching clients the difference between what they are experiencing emotionally and their judgements about situations.  The importance of doing this is because most people are constantly judging themselves instead of observing what they are actually experiencing.  We are so busy trying to be good, or right, or even perfect, that we forget that we have a life to live, enjoy and experience to the fullest.  The impact that judgments have on self esteem leads people to live defensively, only surviving instead of thriving in their life.

Becoming aware of and letting yourself experience the full range of emotions is critical to our maturation as human beings.  This doesn’t mean that we have to express everything we feel.  It is just acknowledging that we have emotions which influence how we behave and how we interact with others in relationships.  Experiencing emotions - passion, anger, sadness, joy - to name a few, means that we are fully alive.  It does not mean that we are broken and need to be fixed.  Emotions are not to be sorted into positive and negative, acceptable or unacceptable. They are to be expressed, with maturity, in the service of getting our needs met; sharing ourselves with others; and increasing intimacy and understanding in our lives.

Anne Dranitsaris